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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Cheating in marriage

Cheating in marriage nowadays has become common between couples in almost every culture, religion and race. Cheating in marriage can be precisely defined as having sex outside of the marriage. There are very many reasons why cheating take place between married couples and it is often believed that it is a signal for change. But, the obvious effects of cheating in marriage are mostly negative and individuals who indulge in such activities do not think about these adverse effects prior to cheating or when they are cheating their partners.

The first and foremost cause of cheating in marriage is when there is no love in the marriage. This can occur in arranged marriages where the couples do not love each other. Similarly it could take place when the couples marry each other for other reasons like financial status instead of love. Extra burden to the family is one of the many effects of cheating in marriages. If the husband cheats on his wife an illegitimate child could be a result of the cheating thus he will have to pay for social welfare adding more burdens for him and his family. Similarly if the wife has an affair with another man and eventually has a child, the child will not be very welcomed in the home, especially by the husband. There will only be more conflicts and extra burden for the family. This is not very healthy in a family life and it could have been prevented if there was no cheating in the first place.

Secondly, cheating in a marriage occurs when fights are inevitable between the marriage couple. Disagreements and differences off course cannot be avoided between the marriage couple but to make it a habit of the marriage would be a cause for cheating between the partners particularly when there is hardly any attempt to resolve these problems. This in turn could result in either or both of the partners experiencing social problems such alcoholism and drug addict. An example of this could be a troubled husband who always fights with his wife and turn to alcohol as a means to forget or get over his problems. This does not solve the fights but may lead to more fights and continue to deteriorate the marriage relationship. It would worsen the situation and the other partner most times will never trust his or her partner again. It can be stressed therefore that, marriage problems was and never will be solved by cheating or drinking.

Money is also one common factor for cheating in marriages. Firstly, if the accessibility of money is easy married individuals think that they can do what ever they want with their money. A typical example in the Solomon Islands is when land owners whom are usually uneducated men get payments or royalties from logging Companies operating in their land; they would spend them all on alcohol and women. They would rent motels and pay women to have sex. This is because they think that they are very rich and that they can do whatever they want to do. On the other hand individuals also cheat their partners if they lack the financial support from their partners. Those involved, generally women, think that they have no other options to get money to support their family so they have to offer sex in exchange for money. Both situations however are nothing but pure cheating on marriage partners. In most cases like this the marriages end up in divorce. To some extent affected partners commit suicide for this. Cheating can be inferred therefore that it is a serious problem and should not be an excuse for poverty or wealth.

Jealousy too is another cause for cheating. Jealousy is a normal thing among couples but in extreme cases it does not assist in the well being of any marriage life. Jealousy can be destructive to the marriage life in two ways. Firstly it comes about when one of the couple is always suspicious of his or her partner having affairs that he or she eventually cheats as well. Such individuals think that it would be fair for him or her to do that. Secondly it can cause cheating when one of the couple is tired of the other partner being jealous of him or her and sooner or later he will indulge in such activities. In doing so the individual involved assume that the other partner would stop bothering her. Yet again neither of these solve the problem it just breaks people’s heart and most of all it affects the children very badly. Children will be ignored in such times. They will not be properly taken care of and disciplined. This could result in their vulnerability to activities like stealing, fighting and lack of morality.
“………Potential long-term effects of parental absence, support, and conflict during childhood are a cause for antisocial tendency among children when they grow up.” (Danica Kalling Knight, D. Dwayne Simpson et al. 1999)
These could have been avoided if the parents had not been preoccupied with jealousy and stop cheating on each other.

The illicit nature of cheating in marriages brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that, the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship always seem irresistible. Topping this excitement with lack of morality, cheating can be done without hesitation. With Lack of morality individuals can be very vulnerable to pressures from their peers. An example could be if a husband who is not serious about his marriage goes out with his friends and sees a beautiful girl he can go out with her when her friends encourage him to do so. The result of this fun and excitement could be unwanted pregnancy. Furthermore the impregnated woman if not married by the individual involved will have to be a single parent most of her life, and even the chances for her to get married is lower compared to when she was single. This is a serious problem, yet could have been prevented if individuals maintain moral values that could avoid cheating to take place in the first place.

Finally, married couples cheat on each other when they are having distant relationship and they are unfaithful to each other. An example could be when one of the married couple goes overseas for a long period of time to either work or study. The chance of each individual cheating on each other is very high. The simple absence of each other’s presence could be a factor for the partners to cheat on each other. There was a case where a married man got a scholarship to study away from his country only to go back and find that his wife gone with another man. His wife’s response when enquired as to why she cheated on him was that he was not there and that she also heard rumours that he was going out with other women in the school he went to. When this happens it is disloyalty to the partner and disgrace to the whole family. Most especially if it is an arranged marriage. The parents of those individuals will be humiliated, and wished that their children had not cheated to bring such shame on them.

The causes for cheating in marriage are bountiful except that they come with more negative effects than positive ones. Cheating in marriage affects the individuals involved and their families, emotionally, socially and psychologically. Hence, individuals should think twice before engaging in such activities. They should wonder if it is really worth it in the end.


At 7:45 AM , Blogger fidelle said...

Cheating in marriage can be precisely defined as having sex outside of the marriage. Cheating in marriage affects the individuals involved and their families, emotionally, socially and psychologically. Hence, individuals should think twice before engaging in such activities.

I think the points you make are very true. Cheating does impact a lot of people, more than you probably think about when you first get into a relationship. As the other woman in a relationship, I feel very bad for the wife and the children (though they are older) of the man that I am involved with. I love my boyfriend (and the financial benefits) of being with him very much, but I don't want to hurt anyone else. We have been going out for ten years, and love each other very much, but I know he would never leave his wife. I also know that if we were to get married, he would not act any differently than he is with me.


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